why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i think i just lost a toe
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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