2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
