Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
