ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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