Umm I'm too high to move.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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