its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
