she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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