i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
