sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
