I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
