he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
