have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
