Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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