That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
did i just pee glitter
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
