I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
