fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
