fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
