the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I want a musical about memes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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