I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I could have mohawked her pubes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
