We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
