Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
