Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
