So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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