Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
