By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
