Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
