I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
