Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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