Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
