just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
