Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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