i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
