So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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