Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
