ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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