Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
