I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
