thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Terrible idea I love it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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