We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
