I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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