the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
