There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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