so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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