haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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