What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
