My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
