Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
