"it" just moved
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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