I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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