do herpes really smell.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
