I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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