I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
