i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
