I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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